[...why is it that feels worse than just smacking him one? Probably because it feels like a betrayal. He knew she's the sort to hunt down the truth, and yet there's a moment where he's very carefully not saying the first, pointed remarks that come to mind.]
...He told you everything? Then I guess I don't need to.
[He mostly said that because he suspected Ranger didn't want to be bothered with requests to use the coffin more that Shin already had been, so if Ranger isn't upset about Helena knowing, then it's not an issue. Still. It's not a great feeling.]
[in the silence, she feels her guilt prickling at her even more acutely. turning like a gear inside her, clicking slowly as it moves. her head bows a little, and she's quiet until his last words, where she nods. she can keep a secret. she's been keeping secrets. this one wasn't a secret she wanted to keep from him - but as to the circumstances, she can lock that up tight.]
I can.
[she hasn't even once slipped in trying to call him Shin when she should be using Sou.]
[She's... plainly feeling bad about it so... that's kind of enough, isn't it? He wouldn't know if she's slipped in saying his name or not, but he did trust her with it, and this is just an extended line of that trust, building that bridge a little further over that chasm.]
They're not in stasis like the other students, but lying low... [Where-ever students go when they go 'home' for the day, as per Shin's insistent instruction.] So it's best if this doesn't get out, ahaha. For two months, at least. Seems people can come back after at least that much, if Inaba's any clue.
[...]
I... one didn't...
[Trust him. And... ended up dying. Shin's been wrestling with people trusting him and being put in danger because of it, it fits in line with how the world works for him, but this hurts in a way he's only felt once before, when everyone placed their trust in someone else he was sure would betray them all in the end, instead of him, who was trying to defeat them. It's... different as well from that again. All he has is the sense that he failed, should have tried better.]
Well, that person I was pretending to be... That must have been what they saw. Prudent, of them...
[she won't minimize this grief he's carrying by telling him it was inevitable, or most of them was still a victory. those are things he knows, things he feels - but this still hurts. it hurts every time you can't save everyone. it doesn't mean that one won't haunt him like a ghost, a chain about his neck.
instead, she'll exist, reaching to take his other hand, and warm that one as well. it's another injury to patch up, to stitch closed. more blood to lose.]
[Well, it's the sort of thing that's said, isn't it? He'll let her hold both his hands, staring down at the kotatsu's wooden top in thought, which means his gaze drifts across her glasses. It's strange when they're usually such a constant fixture on her face.]
You know, I've been wondering why you wear these... Is it for the look? Err... the glasses, sorry.
It's all right. I'm surprised you didn't ask about it sooner...I mean, it's a little silly, isn't it? To wear them when I don't need them. But...they were a gift from my father, the same as my cane.
[though they had come later, more as an accessory to feel confident than for any real purpose. the cane had been essential, was so even when it had felt heavier in her hands, and then these...they had talked about "sharing eyes". leave it to him to make such a metaphor real.]
They're his old ones. He said I looked like a proper scholar with them on - I feel they're more like a good luck charm than anything else.
[So it's not that silly, right? He'd figured it would have been a little rude to ask... but she doesn't seem too bothered by it at least. He understands perfectly, more in bones than heart, the holding onto of objects once someone else's... even if it's complex, because he can't help but wonder given her mention of being trapped behind glass, her understanding of the way he lives not feeling great.]
Your father, huh. Haha, well, he's not wrong about that at least. You do look like you could be a librarian or scientist with them...
[It's a tiny little suspicion... he's been wrong about people before, too. He'll fold it up in wax paper. To someone from his world, the concept of sharing eyes would have been quite sensical if literal, to even greater extent beyond these two ways of perceiving the world.]
Kinda strange, thinking about it... Wonder when they got associated.
[Definitely at the point of Helena's old-timey year if this is any indication. A good luck charm...]
Edited (hm removed a bit i wasn't sure of) Date: 2022-01-06 12:19 pm (UTC)
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notsosou
no subject
Date: 2022-01-02 10:25 pm (UTC)[...why is it that feels worse than just smacking him one? Probably because it feels like a betrayal. He knew she's the sort to hunt down the truth, and yet there's a moment where he's very carefully not saying the first, pointed remarks that come to mind.]
...He told you everything? Then I guess I don't need to.
[He mostly said that because he suspected Ranger didn't want to be bothered with requests to use the coffin more that Shin already had been, so if Ranger isn't upset about Helena knowing, then it's not an issue. Still. It's not a great feeling.]
Can you keep a secret, Helena?
[Do you understand why it's important, in turn?]
no subject
Date: 2022-01-03 12:53 am (UTC)I can.
[she hasn't even once slipped in trying to call him Shin when she should be using Sou.]
no subject
Date: 2022-01-03 04:25 am (UTC)[She's... plainly feeling bad about it so... that's kind of enough, isn't it? He wouldn't know if she's slipped in saying his name or not, but he did trust her with it, and this is just an extended line of that trust, building that bridge a little further over that chasm.]
They're not in stasis like the other students, but lying low... [Where-ever students go when they go 'home' for the day, as per Shin's insistent instruction.] So it's best if this doesn't get out, ahaha. For two months, at least. Seems people can come back after at least that much, if Inaba's any clue.
[...]
I... one didn't...
[Trust him. And... ended up dying. Shin's been wrestling with people trusting him and being put in danger because of it, it fits in line with how the world works for him, but this hurts in a way he's only felt once before, when everyone placed their trust in someone else he was sure would betray them all in the end, instead of him, who was trying to defeat them. It's... different as well from that again. All he has is the sense that he failed, should have tried better.]
Well, that person I was pretending to be... That must have been what they saw. Prudent, of them...
...
no subject
Date: 2022-01-03 08:54 am (UTC)[she won't minimize this grief he's carrying by telling him it was inevitable, or most of them was still a victory. those are things he knows, things he feels - but this still hurts. it hurts every time you can't save everyone. it doesn't mean that one won't haunt him like a ghost, a chain about his neck.
instead, she'll exist, reaching to take his other hand, and warm that one as well. it's another injury to patch up, to stitch closed. more blood to lose.]
no subject
Date: 2022-01-04 04:53 am (UTC)[Well, it's the sort of thing that's said, isn't it? He'll let her hold both his hands, staring down at the kotatsu's wooden top in thought, which means his gaze drifts across her glasses. It's strange when they're usually such a constant fixture on her face.]
You know, I've been wondering why you wear these... Is it for the look? Err... the glasses, sorry.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-04 05:08 am (UTC)[though they had come later, more as an accessory to feel confident than for any real purpose. the cane had been essential, was so even when it had felt heavier in her hands, and then these...they had talked about "sharing eyes". leave it to him to make such a metaphor real.]
They're his old ones. He said I looked like a proper scholar with them on - I feel they're more like a good luck charm than anything else.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-06 12:14 pm (UTC)[So it's not that silly, right? He'd figured it would have been a little rude to ask... but she doesn't seem too bothered by it at least. He understands perfectly, more in bones than heart, the holding onto of objects once someone else's... even if it's complex, because he can't help but wonder given her mention of being trapped behind glass, her understanding of the way he lives not feeling great.]
Your father, huh. Haha, well, he's not wrong about that at least. You do look like you could be a librarian or scientist with them...
[It's a tiny little suspicion... he's been wrong about people before, too. He'll fold it up in wax paper. To someone from his world, the concept of sharing eyes would have been quite sensical if literal, to even greater extent beyond these two ways of perceiving the world.]
Kinda strange, thinking about it... Wonder when they got associated.
[Definitely at the point of Helena's old-timey year if this is any indication. A good luck charm...]